SafeMom’s Four Steps To Empower Your Child

A few years ago while volunteering in the church nursery, a two-year-old girl asked me to take her to the bathroom.  I escorted her there, stood outside of the stall, and asked her if she needed any help.  She opened the door and said very matter-of-factly, “Nobody touches my private parts.”  I loved it.  Her parents taught her well.   🙂

When friends find out that I’ve spent the past ten years consulting with youth-serving organizations about how to prevent sexual abuse and keep children safe, I often get asked how they, as parents, can keep their kids safe.  I understand the desire to do everything you can to keep your child safe – I feel the same way.  But, I always tell my friends that the best thing they can do is to empower their children.

Four Steps You Can Take To Empower Your Child:

1. Teach your child the names of his or her body parts.

From a very young age, you can start talking to your child about their body parts. During bath time, refer to the child’s body parts by their correct names. Saying the real words might be difficult for you, and that’s okay. Many of us were raised using different words for our genitals. If you choose to use a different word, though, make sure it is one that is easily recognizable as a word for that body part. If your child is touched inappropriately and tells a teacher or another adult, you want to make sure that adult understands what they are telling them.

2. Teach your child who can touch his or her body.

A good time to have this conversation is during bath time. Explain to your child who trusted people are and in what situations these trusted people may touch them.  Bath time in our house routinely involves me reminding my kids that they cannot touch the other’s private parts.  To be clear, it is perfectly age-appropriate and “normal” for them to play and be curious in this way.  It’s our job to help them understand the boundaries related to their body.

3. Teach your child to tell a “safe adult” if someone tries to touch his or her body parts.

You can continue the bath time conversation by asking your child what to do if they are in a bad situation. Let your child answer you how they would respond. Help guide them to the correct response, which is that they should stop that person and tell a “safe adult.” This might be their teacher, a friend’s parent, a grandparent, an aunt, or you. List out a number of “safe adults” for them. Make sure your child is equipped to know that they can tell any “safe adult” in his or her life!

4. Teach your child they will never get in trouble for telling you anything related to their safety.

Child molesters often manipulate their victims into not telling about the abuse. They do this by threatening the child and convincing the child that they will get in trouble if they tell. On a regular basis, talk to your child about their friends and other adults in their life. Let them know they can tell you anything, even if they are scared they will get into trouble.

Sometimes it is difficult trying to balance the need to have these serious conversations with the fact that you don’t want to scare your child into thinking there are tons of bad guys out there. That’s why you should always reiterate to your kids that most adults are there to help them and love them.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on how to balance these two competing interests, so leave a comment to share how you do it!

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